When my eldest started school and the teacher came to me with concerns , fidgeting at story time, not listening, struggling to follow classroom rules , I felt like I'd failed her.

Like I should have known how to stop this.

Like I should have done something differently.

Nobody told me that a child acting up in class is often a child telling you something with their behaviour.

That the fidgeting and the not listening and the meltdown at the gate is usually anxiety wearing a different coat.

Nobody told me I was actually the most important person in that conversation with the teacher.

That my knowledge of my child what made her tick, her little ways, her triggers , was the most valuable thing in the room.

I didn't know how to be her advocate.

I just felt like I'd let her down. That's why I make this a core part of everything I teach.

You are not waiting to be told what's wrong with your child.

You are the expert on your child. And I'm going to show you how to walk into school knowing that.

Your child comes home and says "no one plays with me."

Your heart drops.

Before you panic, try this.

Just say,

"I hear you. Tell me more."

Those five words open the door without alarm.

They let your child lead.

And often, not always, but often you'll find there's more to the story than the snippet they shared.

If it continues, the best thing you can do is open that communication line with the teacher.

Not in a confrontational way.

Just "I wanted to share something my child mentioned, can we talk?" You're not being difficult.

You're being their advocate. There's a difference.