Solutions for Sibling Rivalry Issues
Friday 10th of April and its national siblings’ day.
( Make sure you read on so you don't miss out on a special discount code just for 1 week ends 17th April 2024. )
As parents, witnessing constant fighting and bickering between our children can be a source of frustration and exhaustion.
Not only does it disrupt the peace and harmony in the household, but it can also lead to feelings of guilt and failure as we try to find ways to resolve the issue.
Additionally, sibling rivalry can have long-lasting effects on the relationship between siblings, affecting their ability to get along and support each other later in life. The good news is that with the right tools and strategies, it is possible to reduce sibling rivalry and promote a positive and loving relationship between siblings.
In this blog, I will discuss stepping back and assessing your family's own unique situation and common causes of sibling rivalry.
Provide practical tips and solutions to help ease parents worries that come with sibling conflict.
Due to Covid and frequent illnesses your siblings might have spent a lot more more time together and this could have led to more arguing and teasing.
It could also be worse due to your children's anxieties; they may be unsure of what is happening around them at this present moment.
Lots of their challenging behaviours can be led by these anxieties and they might be fighting for your attention.
Sibling rivalry is where your children are learning key skills for life and growing up, the skills of how to compromise and negotiate.
There is no easy answer with sibling rivalry but if you keep in mind it is natural and unavoidable you may approach it differently.
It’s all about stepping back and assessing the situation.
Are your little ones fighting for your attention?
Are they
· Asking who you love best or saying you love him/her more?
· Timing disruptive behaviour when you are with the other child?
If you answered yes
· Treat each child uniquely. Say you love them for who they are.
· Look for triggers and work on these times, dinnertime, bedtimes, times when you are busy changing another child.
Are your little ones fighting over property?
Are they
· Grabbing siblings’ toys or possessions?
· Having physical fights and ruining each other’s games?
If you answered yes
· Give them some personal space- let them have some sacred toys they don’t have to share.
· Encourage turn taking games, or teamwork games, cooking together, set challenges to do together (building a fort is a good one.)
· Have clear simple house rules, so children know what is expected of them.
Use your surname for your home.
Our house rules in the "WELBY" Household. Its great as it gives children a sense of belonging and they want to follow the house rules.
You can download for FREE a house rules chart to use in your family HERE
with Tips for creating some simple house rules.
1 Pause and take some deep breaths when your children are arguing or fighting. If you step in straight away- they won’t learn to build their own problem-solving skills.
2 Try not to offer advice and tell them what to do.” You need to do this and that”. Try and facilitate rather than control the situation. If you take control, they can feel like you are taking sides.
3 Acknowledge their feelings. Put their feelings into words.
“You are angry your brother is playing with your cars”
“I can see you are both angry with each other”.
Then describe what you see.
If he says, “I hate my sister I wish she wasn’t here”,
don’t say “you don’t mean that”.
In the heat of the moment he probably does. It is perfectly normal to feel these emotions, he just needs help with how to deal with them.
4 Try the Sibling harmony dilemma.
“I would like to talk to you about your little problem when you argue about your toys and can’t play together very well.”
“Do you want to tell me how you feel about this situation that is making us both unhappy?”
After they have shared.
You share how you feel.
This is great for them to practise problem solving skills and helps them to take some control of the situation.
5 Positively praise them when they are getting along or when they solve their own conflicts. “great problem-solving skills, you are showing me how grown up you are.“
6 One to one time-This one can be tricky to do but try to make each child feel special and important. Spend one-on-one time with each child every day.
7 Play fighting- Have a rule
“if it’s not fun for both, it’s got to stop”
If its normal bickering, stop and see if they can work it out. If they do, give them attention for working as a team.
8 Be fair and avoid favouritism, sometimes we can do this with the youngest child and our older child feels as if he is pushed out. When children argue focus on the solution not on the details. Your children will be shouting “he did this” and “she did that”. Blame is not helpful.
They need help to come up with solutions and work out how to get along.
9 and 10 Set a good example (it has two numbers as its most important, the biggest tip of all)
You are the role models to teach your children how to negotiate, compromise and see things from another’s perspective. How you communicate with your partner, family and friends is the perfect time to demonstrate the art of compromise and let your children see your negotiation skills.
Children learn what to do from watching you.
If you want more support on your children’s behaviours and tips and tricks, then check out my recorded 4-week "Toddlers Throwing Wobblers" workshop and hear all about positive techniques to help you build a unique toolbox to help your children deal with their struggles.
I have a special discount code just for 1 week £10 off , just type in Siblings at checkout and you will save.
Investment at only £50.
Learn their possible triggers and yours.
Learn about different parenting styles and how this may impact on how you respond.
Develop your child's skills on how to communicate and get on with others, how to manage their feelings, how to be independent and how to solve problems.
My course is full of practical resources to use in day to day situations.