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How Glastonbury Cured my fear of Public Toilets.

As a toileting consultant, who helps children master the milestone of using the toilet. I have seen my fair share of toilets, both good and bad. 
 
I have always had a phobia of public toilets, but they do say that you must face your fears to overcome them. So face them I did when I went to the best festival in the world. 
 
Getting those Glastonbury festival tickets for the first time was an emotional experience, with elation that we were going combined with fear of the legendary Glastonbury toilets.
However, after four years of attending, I can confidently say that I have endured the festival's toilets first-hand and learnt a great deal in the process. 

Ironically, I spend all year helping children, who withhold wee and poo to go to the toilet, only to find at my first Glastonbury I’m holding onto my poo for four days. 

So here are my Glastonbury toilet tips from the person, my client’s call, “The Poo lady”.


Let’s start at the beginning, on arrival when you hand over your ticket to get your wristband. 

When you arrive at Glastonbury, you'll receive a wristband that grants you access to the festival grounds. But before you take it, consider which hand to offer. 
You don't want to wipe your bottom with the extra bits on the wristband, so offer your least dominant hand. 
It may seem trivial, but it can make a big difference, trust me :)

On Arrival.

Once in, you’ll find the four Toilet options at Glastonbury:

Glastonbury offers four types of toilets: long drops, Compost toilets, Portaloos and urinals for men and women. Each has its pros and cons (mostly cons), and sometimes you don’t have a choice as it all depends where you are when you feel the urge. You may be over an hours walk to your favourite ones. 

1. Long Drop toilets in my opinion, are the worst.

 Long drops are the most basic toilets. They are a row of steel cubicles, open to the elements, which means that if it's raining, then it’s raining on you. As in the name, looking through the toilet seat is a long drop of about 10 feet to a huge concrete gutter. So, my heads up tip for these, is that if you have been drinking a lot while rocking to your favourite band and you end up in a long drop, be mindful of your wallet or phone in your back pocket. Loads of these, every year disappear into the void. So unless you have 10 foot long arms and rubber gloves, you will never see it again. 

This is how I survived the long drops. Night time -bring a head torch, wear trainers or wellies instead of flip flops! ( a must even if hot), and rub some Vicks VapoRub on your wrists or my favourite Neals Yard Energy Roller under the nostrils and wrists to help with the smell. 

Neal Yard Energy Roller




2.       Compost Toilets are my favourite.

The Compost toilets are the least smelly toilets at Glastonbury. They use sawdust instead of water to cover the waste, which helps control the odour. You need to take a cup of the sawdust supplied in with you, and cover your doings after you’ve been. You have to hope the person in front of you has the decency to use the sawdust too, for the best toilet experience. 

The best compost toilets for me are at the Stone Circle. They're clean, well-maintained, and near the lovely view of the Stone Circle. Also look out for a small coral of compost toilets managed by Water Aid, they are extra clean but you might have to queue for 10 minutes with other crossed legged festival goers which is great for making new friends and talking music. 

3.       Portable Toilets beware of the Poo Mountain.

Portable toilets are dotted around Glastonbury but mainly in the carpark areas. They can be a fantastic find on your travels to and from your car to your camping field. However, they can also be hit or miss. Some go unused and these are normally found at the end of the row of loos as most people just go in the first ones they find. 
These can get inhabitable by day 5. People forget to flush or the flush runs out, they get blocked easily, leading to an impressive poo mountain. 

4.       A look at Glastonbury's Men and Women Urinals

Glastonbury also offers men and women urinals. I haven't tried them yet, but I'm planning to this year (2023). I've heard mixed reviews, but they can be a lifesaver if you are busting. I must remember to pack my SheWee! 

As a general guide, if you’re passing the loos, you’re not in a hurry and there’s a small queue, then just use it and try to go. You will benefit from this forced relief when you have just watched a headliner on the Pyramid stage and a hundred thousand people with bladders full of cider all want to use the nearest toilets. 
Your earlier visit might just give you enough time to walk that extra distance to a quieter and less stressful emptying of one’s bladder. 



This year I have the reusable adult whizzer to take with me from KiddiWhizz.

I recently used it at “In It together” Festival in Wales and it was a godsend. BEST DEVICE.

Campers and Festival Goers rejoice as the No.1 unpleasant part of the fun experience finally has a solution!

If you’re not a parent or Dragons Den Fan you may have missed the news that the UK Mum Inventor of the multi-award winning only compact Eco-toilet for kids has now created a collapsible larger version for adults with the latest innovation from the Solo-Founder Mum run business being the exciting Biolume Glow-in-the-dark Whizzer!

Yes! Imagine not having to leave the tent at night and instead be guided by the sensory glow of your solar powered toilet without having to disturb a sleeping sole. The handy hack has completely detachable parts for easy cleaning and storage and is made from high/food-grade silicon so it’s' soft mouldable spout can comfortably cup around you with the added bonus of an economic design to be discreet and prevent messy splashes.

So from the moment you pack-up the bags for your trip, keep the whizzer by the top as you’ll realise when you’re bursting in a motorway traffic jam that this will be the item you don’t know how you ever set-off without!
The product has already sold out 3 times since it launched at the start of the year so make sure to grab one ahead of the height of the summer season. 

Its collapsible and Zoe has created a new glow in the dark one!!

Previously I used the disposable travel Janes but not good for the environment.
The whizzer is brilliant for emergency night wake ups or early morning wees. The queues for the toilets in the morning can be enormous. (*Affiliate link)

Check out the Whizzer here

Tips for the campsite.

 
Choose wisely where you camp and do not pitch tent right next to the loos. The smell from the toilets can waft over right into your tent, plus when the tractor comes along to empty the toilets it can get extra pongy. 
Also, you will wake to find a line of 100 hungover people queuing outside your tent from the early hours. 

Bring a ‘S’ hook to use on the back of the door to hang up your bag, you won’t want to place it on the floor. 

There you have it, Glastonbury toilet tips from the potty lady. 

Mr and Mrs Littlelifesteps.

 Follow these tips, and you'll master festival toilets like a pro. 
Don't forget, only Bio degradable wet wipes and NO weeing on the land.