The Importance of Showing Love to Children, Even When They Make Mistakes.

We all make mistakes.

As parents, we want to do everything in our power to raise happy and healthy children.
We strive to provide our children with the best possible care, support, and opportunities in life.

However, there are times when our children may not behave in ways that make us proud or very happy.

In those moments, it's important to remember the wise words of Harold Hulbert.

Sometimes we have to love our children when we don't like them very much.

This is very hard to do as a parent as we are often triggered.
Sometimes we need to look within us, the parent.
I advise parents to ask themselves reflective questions such as:

Is there a certain moment of the day when you feel most triggered?

Is there a certain word or behaviour of your child that pushes your buttons?

Who does your child remind you of when they hit or scream?

Parents who were not allowed to show their anger as children often find they can have a hard time embracing their child's anger.
Just having more awareness can be the start.

When my children were little the parenting methods that were used were control-based methods and they didn't help me connect with my child.
They just created distance and mistrust.
That's why I am passionate about teaching connection based strategies. If you haven't already seen my 6 steps to de-escalation video then check it out.

The Foundation for Strong and Healthy Families

It's important to understand that our children's behaviour is not a reflection on our parenting skills or of their worth as human beings.

They are still learning and growing, and mistakes are a natural part of that process.
When we show love and compassion to our children, even when they don't seem to deserve it, we send a very powerful message. We communicate that we still value and care for them, even when they make mistakes.

"WE LOVE YOU JUST AS YOU ARE"

A sentence from one of the books I recommend to read to children.
( I only recently came across it as the lady who has written it, delivered my Goulding sleep talk training last May 2023.)

Find the book here.

We let them know that we are here to support them through both HARD times and GOOD times.

Research shows when we express love and affection to our children we can actually help to improve their behaviour over time.

When children feel loved and valued, they are more likely to feel secure and confident in themselves.
This reduces negative behaviours like tantrums, defiance, and acting out.

This doesn't mean that we should let our children get away with behaviours.
Boundaries and logical consequences are still important for teaching children about appropriate behaviour and responsibility for their own actions.

However, even when we need to discipline our children, we can do so in a way that still shows love and support.
The Latin origin of the word discipline is 'to teach'. Disciplining your child means teaching them and the best way to do this is to model behaviours.
One simple way to do this is:
When your child speaks to you try your best to turn to face them.

I talk about 3 things our children want on my behaviour course.

One is being seen.

Seen for who they are and all their unique qualities.

Giving a child eye contact or just a brief touch when they want to talk to you or share something with you, will let them know they are important and you notice them.

This in turn helps them feel safe.

It doesn't mean you have to do what they ask.

It's about giving them eye contact or touch and briefly explaining if you are busy.

" That sounds really interesting. Mummy is busy with Taylor's nappy now. I will come and see you after."

This brief connection can prevent a meltdown because they have been seen and feel important.

Can be a great way to avoid a meltdown.

I love this quote from Brene Brown.
If you have not heard of her check out her 20 minute Ted talk.
It's called the power of vulnerability.

It's about connection and the purpose of life.

Hope you enjoy listening to her, she definitely made me think.

Click here

If you want support on how to manage your child's behaviours and learn calming strategies for all the family to use.
Check out my 4 week recorded course , you have lifetime access to the videos and resources.
So, the next time your child misbehaves or disappoints you, remember that they still need your love and support.

By showing compassion, understanding, and affection, you can help your child feel valued and secure, and ultimately help them grow into happy, confident and well-adjusted adults.